28

R and I, lounging in a truly strange exhibit at the Auckland Art Gallery

I turned 28 last week. Learning from past mistakes, I threw myself a party complete with pink balloons and pizza. 

"It looks like I've decorated for a four year old's birthday," I joked to my flatmate while blowing up confetti-filled balloons. 

"I like it," she said, puffing into the last of the pink globes. 

"So do I," I admitted, surveying our handiwork. It was all very pink and glittery and it all felt very me. 

On my birthday, I walked through the streets of the central city with my friend, R. As we searched for a spot to read quietly in the sun (she knows me well), I turned to her and said, "I'm 28 and I'm so happy."

Without missing a beat, she said, "You know, I can sense that." 

It was the best gift she could have given me. To know that this profound sense of contentedness and ease-in-self can be felt by my loved ones is to know it's not all in my head. Cracked vessel though I am, this freshly-stoked joy fire within can be seen and felt from the outside. 

My 28th birthday featured lemon cake and cute cards and late-night ice-skating. It was a glorious, genuine, joyful celebration of 28 years of life and it came at the end of a particularly hard year. That buoyancy and happiness I felt while roaming familiar streets with R was hard-won. 

***

As a newly-minted 28 year-old, I am obviously a sage and therefore qualified to dispense advice, safe to be swallowed whole without hesitation. 

I jest, of course, but I have learned a lot in the past year, many of the lessons being - here's that word again - hard-won. I'll type them here lightly and leave them for your perusal and scrutiny; my 28-year-old self won't be bothered either way. 

***

28 Things I've Learned in 28 Years

1. You are allowed to change your mind. About people, places, TV shows, and jumpsuits. This does not make you an unsteady person, just a growing one. 

2. Just as you will change your mind about people, some of them will change their minds about you. Sometimes, this re-evaluation will occur simultaneously, as if the two of you are coal-miners emerging from a cave and blinking at each other in the harsh new light. Sometimes, only the other party will re-assess. This may hurt, but it will also, eventually, be okay. 

3. Don't knock your hometown. You may find yourself back there one week in the springtime and be brought to your knees by all the renewal you see around you.

4. When people show you who they really are, believe them. 

5. You are allowed to turn down nice boys simply because you have no romantic interest in them. Politeness, but no apology is needed. 

6. "Life does not consist in an abundance of books" Luke 12:15 (Jovita Manickam paraphrase) 

7. You are allowed to both have and articulate needs. This does not make you needy, it makes you human. 

8. Let people look after you. 

9. Life's too short to pretend you're okay with a potential paramour's obsession with Warhammer. Someone else will be into that, but that someone is not you. 

10. When people tell you how they really feel, believe them. 

11. Spring for the nice moisturiser. 

12. Your hunch that you should use your leisure time to engage with stories and perspectives that differ from yours? It's a good one. Keep at it. 

13. The accrual of years does not equate to the accrual of wisdom. It is possible (and surprisingly common) to have one without the other. 

14. Your voice will emerge as you practice saying things. It's okay if you sometimes croak on the path to clarity. 

15. The kids are alright. Despite the horror news stories and stats on anxiety and depression, there are some who are being raised as resilient, committed disciples whose passion for Jesus burns brighter than you'd ever dared hope. Pray for them, encourage them and cheer them on. God has marvels He's yet to perform. 

16. There are very few times in life where you will make a decision once and never revisit it. Convictions of all kinds require constant shoring up. 

17. You have a figure and this is good. The fact that a particular size of jumpsuit does not accommodate your hips means only that you need to find a bigger size. Wear that bigger size and admire the curves that God gave you. 

18. You are capable of enduring months-long heartache that has you waking and walking through your days in a daze. Though it seems impossible, with the newfound clarity you've acquired on the other side, you will be grateful for having gone through that period and all that you've learned. 

19. Be on the lookout for the surprising goodness of God. 

20. Record everything - if only for yourself. 

21. People will sometimes regard your wonder and curiosity about the world with disdain. This is entirely their problem, not yours. 

22. It is always, always worth taking a moment to pause and consider whether an action is kind. 

23. Take photos sometimes. You will enjoy seeing how happy you were and how much you loved the people around you. 

24. Celebrate yourself, and invite others into that celebration. You may not yet have hit the markers that our culture tends to throw lavish parties for (marriage, babies) but you have many things in your life that you can lavishly celebrate. Make the most of every opportunity to do so. 

25. When you are with a friend, make it your goal to be wholly attentive to them. So much of friendship is mutual seeing. 

26. Routines lead to flourishing. Do everything in your power to maintain yours, adapting as and when needed. 

27. Lean into seasons as much as you can. Winter is for watching Gilmore Girls in your pyjamas. Spring is for long walks around the neighbourhood. 

28. You might spend an entire lifetime following Jesus only in your twenty-eighth year to be absolutely bowled over by the depth of his love for you. Relish it, weep over it, stay in it.