Overwhelm

I am overwhelmed this afternoon, sitting in the smallest sliver of sunlight in my room, trying to tame my to-do list. I am pausing for a moment to write this, because I must write daily - that is just what I do. Most of my writing of late has been done in my journal, and that is just fine by me. I've had a lot to say to the Lord. But I wanted the briefest of records of what it feels like to exist in the midst of this overwhelm, right now. 

It is report season and I have written barely any general comments. I am behind on my school-mandated 'learning posts' (no-one can convince me of their utility, but complete them I must). It looks like my environment group may not be able to attend a special event this term after all, as the result of me dropping the ball on my comms. Green Week looms large in Week 7 on the school calendar, while testing deadlines call to me this week. Work has curled around every part of my mind and is squeezing, hard. Its tendrils pierce even my sleep. 

This is only part of what is contributing to the ache in my head and jaw and shoulders. I have found myself in yet another situation with a guy friend where he simultaneously enjoys my company and is ashamed to be seen in my company. (Obviously, I'm not going to put up with that and plan on staying away from him from here on out, but the sting is there, nonetheless.) Two friends have received happy news on the romance and family front; of course, I am absolutely thrilled for them and can say in complete truth that I'm not regarding them with any envy. But it also prompted another teary walk around the neighbourhood, thanking the Lord for my friends' good news and asking if it could please, possibly, be my turn soon. (I've yet to hear back.) And then there's the situation with a friend that's too tender and fraught for me to write about here. Suffice to say, it's a spectre that haunts my already-overwhelmed days. 

Overwhelm is a part of life. It's cloying to say so, I know, but I can't help but state the obvious in my current state. Overwhelm is likely going to keep me company this week. Thankfully, so is the grace of God.