I've got ten minutes before I need to leave for work. Ten minutes of crickets chirping in the still-dark morning to gather my thoughts and commit them to this page.
The truth is, friends, I am tired.
It has already been a long week and I am not yet halfway through it. I am finding obligations hard to keep up with outside of work, and within work, every time I feel like I start to enter a groove, I become aware of approximately one million things that I am not doing and should be considering.
I know that I'm placing a lot of this pressure on myself because I want to serve my kids and my community well. I feel called to this work and have worked from the belief that the way to fulfil this calling is to sacrifice almost all of myself to it.
But my weary eyes and limbs, my faint headaches and gnawing hunger from having forgotten to take my lunch (again) are telling another story. A truer story, perhaps?
I was on a course last week where the other teachers shared how important it was for them to be whole human beings with lives outside of work, lives they could then share with their kids. I nodded along, all the while planning what I was going to implement over the weekend.
I can't do that anymore. I want to be a whole human being who sets aside time for the things she loves - reading, writing, cooking, running. I want to be courageously taking risks in more than just my career. I want my morning quiet time to become a non-negotiable again. I want to try dating.
These things won't happen overnight, but just taking the time to spell them out in a raw, unedited fashion has made me feel better.
In March, by the grace of God, I will be healthier.
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