While I Wait

If you asked me to describe this last week, I couldn't do it. Well maybe I could, but not in a way that would satisfy me. Not in a concise, it-was-good or it-was-bad way.

I could tell you that I got back from Malaysia late last Friday night, stepping into the cool Canterbury air early Saturday morning. I could tell you that I've had all sorts problems with jet-lag, staying up the whole night and sleeping away the morning.

I could tell you that I've gone back to work after two whole months off and to say that it feels foreign would be a bit of an understatement.

I suppose you could say that I've accomplished some 'good' things; some I'm even proud of. I finished my unpacking on Saturday, cleared out my overcrowded wardrobe and a received a congratulatory letter from uni in the mail.

But if I told you only the 'good' things, I'd only be telling the half of it. I'd have to tell you, too, that I have watched too much TV, eaten too much junk food, and that my Bible has sat pretty much untouched over the past few days.

I could tell you all these things but I still couldn't make up my mind about this week.

Was it good or was it bad?

Was I good or was I bad?

I think a more important question for me to be asking, one that I've been making a conscious effort to ask myself lately, is: Why does it matter so much to me? Why does it matter?

I guess it matters to me because I am always waiting for things to be perfect. Am I there yet? Have I achieved perfection yet? And when the answer is inevitably no, I go right back on waiting, striving for perfection and forget that all I have to do is live with my imperfections.

While I wait, blog posts go unwritten, friendships sit un-deepened and chances lie untaken.

While I wait, hoping for perfection on this earth, I lose sight of the far greater perfection that is to come.

Perfection, it would seem, is a thief.

And so I'm making an effort not to wait anymore.

This very first blog post on this very new blog is being published, imperfections and all, as an ode to the wait.

May it teach me well.